How to Easily Change Someone - Pastor Bradley Peters
In these challenging times, it is a comfort to remember that our souls find rest in God alone—He is our rock, our salvation, and our fortress. As we reflect on our relationships, it’s natural to wish for change in those close to us, whether it’s a roommate with annoying habits, a spouse struggling with addiction, or a child making painful choices. Yet, before focusing on others, we must first examine ourselves and our own walk with the Lord. Scripture calls us to restore others gently, but also warns us not to take on burdens that are not ours to carry. Each of us is responsible for our own “knapsack”—the unique set of responsibilities, challenges, and growth that God has entrusted to us.
Boundaries are essential, both in practical life and in our spiritual journey. Just as a child must eventually learn to clean their own room and take responsibility for their actions, so too must we learn where our responsibilities end and another’s begin. When we overstep these boundaries—out of love, fear, or pride—we risk carrying loads that God never intended for us. This not only exhausts us but can also hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in the lives of those we love. The wisdom of Proverbs warns us not to move ancient boundary stones, reminding us that God Himself guards the lines between what is ours to carry and what belongs to others.
It is tempting to make someone else’s change our mission, especially when their choices deeply affect us. But true transformation is the work of God alone. Our role is to love, to pray, and to walk alongside others, not to take their burdens into our own hearts. Even in marriage, as Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 7, each person is ultimately responsible for their own faith before God. We are called to live at peace, as far as it depends on us, trusting that God is able to sanctify and redeem in ways we cannot.
There is grace for us when we overstep, when we try to fix others, or when we fail to carry our own load well. The Holy Spirit is our guide, helping us discern what is ours to carry and what we must entrust to God. May we find rest in the pleasant places where our boundary lines have fallen, and may we trust God to do His transforming work in the lives of those we love.